Weekend Update

I apologize that I missed writing a new post this week because my co-worker got me into the show Outlander. Let’s face it, I would rather spend my free time in the 1700s with the lasses and lads in Scotland than with real people. I even catch myself reading everything in a Scottish accent and calling people “Sassenach”. I certainly don’t sleep anymore and who needs to watch porn when you have these OK sex scenes? I will say the lad in it is quite the eye candy (pictured below). So after crying my way through the entire 3rd season and desperately wanting a love like the main characters have, I realized I needed a break. I was starting to wonder what my friends, (the main characters) Claire and Jamie, were doing at this very moment. I just ask that you forgive me if you start reading this post in a Scottish accent. Sláinte.

you’re welcome.

Parker update:

Guys, you wouldn’t believe it. Last night, I was on Tinder and do you remember my post about Parker? Well I came across him again and swiped right because I wanted to know if he would match me and had anything to say (also if he read my blog post). He matched me right away. That enough was enough to make my laugh my ass off but then he said “Abby… we’ve matched before. Then you ghosted me.” I said, “Um, you must not remember who I am.” He said he did and that he went to message me one morning and I had deleted him on everything. My apologies, I didn’t realize that when you blocked me on Snapchat, that I had accidentally deleted you. This is the same guy that called me a psychopath, but my predictions were right. HE was indeed the psychopath. Parker actually told me that his ex had taken his phone while he was at a bar and told me I was a psychopath and that he was sorry for anything he said because it was really her. I said, “hold on hold on hold on. You asked me to have a threesome with some chick and I said you were treating me like a walking vagina and not a human being and then you said I lured you in under false pretenses for my social media, then sent me IT the clown.” Of course, he didn’t know what I was talking about and actually said “I never wanted to have a threesome with two chicks.” Oh, so you wanted me and two guys? *thinking* ok so what did you say your name was again? LOL just kidding… But I was like, “so you’re trying to tell me your ex wanted me to have a threesome with you and someone that isn’t her (because the chick’s picture he sent me was her Tinder profile), and then when I declined, she got mad at me and called me a psychopath?” This dude is on bath salts or something, and I am not entirely sure he still won’t pop out of a vent or drain in my house like Pennywise himself. This was the highlight of my Friday night. He was actually groveling for my forgiveness and said he still wanted to see me naked. Well duh, I’m amazing who doesn’t? I reminded him that I asked him a question about his life and he snapped and said, “No, don’t do that. Don’t make this something it’s not. We are just whores for each other and nothing more.” He said, “it was a joke. Obviously we would talk in person.” I am genuinely confused by this guy’s mental state. He one hundo p is schizo.

If there is something I’ve learned in the past few months, it’s that silence is more powerful than having the last word. I used to be someone who always had to say my mind before I could end a conversation or fight, for closure. But I’ve since come to find out that if you remain silent, and let the other person have the last word, you have all of the power because they will realize that they no longer have meaning to you. That’s what I did with Parker. I remained silent mostly, giving him just enough to keep talking. Then, when I was no longer satisfied with the convo, I stopped answering. Filtering yourself and holding back things you wish you could say is not something I encourage. However, men are stupid and giving them the silent treatment is the most powerful thing you can do.

I so badly wanted to take screen shots of this conversation for you all, but before I could, HE deleted ME on Tinder, again. Just typing this story is cracking me up. I do this all for you – my readers – put myself in awkward situations so you can laugh with/at me. People have been telling me lately I need to start a podcast and get business cards. I’ve never listened to a podcast nor do I have plans to start anytime soon (so stop suggesting ones for me to listen to). I also don’t expect anyone to have to suffer through my annoying voice until I’m more famous. I am considering the business cards and taking design suggestions (free of charge and credit of course).

Alright, I’m going to start season 4 of Outlander. If you don’t hear from me for another week, I’ll be crying on my couch.

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