Hi friends. Sorry for the delay in getting a new post out. I have been suffering from I-don’t-want-to-do-anything syndrome and it has really taken a hold of my life. I’m trying to shake it off but all the players wanna play play play play play and the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate. The other problem is I haven’t had anything interesting happen in my life for a few weeks until yesterday.
Goldilocks and Da Bear
I imagine most of my readers either A) live in Delaware or B) are friends with me on Facebook/Snapchat and saw my stories, but for those of you who haven’t (thank you for reading), let me tell you about how I was woken up yesterday by a bear in my neighbor’s yard. I had been home sick, going on day 2, when I woke up to a bunch of missed calls/texts/voicemails from my mom. I called her back and asked if she was OK (I keep telling her to get a Life Alert) and she started yelling, “ABBY THE BEAR IS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!” I had no frickin’ clue about the words that were coming out of her mouth. In my half-asleep state I couldn’t process hardly anything, let alone the fact that a bear was in my neighborhood. She had to say it a few times before I opened my eyes enough to see the news playing on my TV. I sleep with my TV on every night so the news is on when I wake up so I can keep myself educated. Once I finally opened my eyes, I saw my house on the TV via helicopter live-feed. First of all, I didn’t even know a bear was on the loose in general, so when my mom kept saying “THE BEAR, THE BEAR!” I didn’t know what in the Sam Hill was going on. I said, “I guess I should go shut my back door then.” I usually wake up between 6 and 6:30 every morning to feed my dog and let her out, and I leave the back door cracked so she can go in and out while I’m home. I got downstairs (sans-pants and glasses) and Olivia was barking like crazy. I got her inside and shut the door and then opened my front door to see what was going on. In the blur of my glasses-less eyes, I could see a ton of cop cars and caution tape closing my street down. I ran upstairs and put pants and classes on, and a very discreet HIGHLIGHTER YELLOW sweatshirt. When I went back outside, I must have blinded the cops because they yelled at me to get inside my house. The news showed the bear 4-doors over in their back yard, hopping fences. Meanwhile, Olivia is running back and forth with me at my side trying to follow the action. Can you imagine if my mom didn’t wake me the fuck up and my poor little puppy was bear food? That’s all I could think about all day. Not to mention, my door was open so that bear could have found ole’ Goldilocks upstairs in a bed that was just-right. Now, I live in the CITY of Wilmington. I was not trained on how to deal with a bear, I don’t carry bear mace living in the city. We would have been in a sticky situation.
Eventually, the bear ran off toward a local state park, but not before it almost got hit by a train. The TV showed the bear running along the train tracks that cut through the city and I could hear the train from inside my house. When I say he missed that train by 2 seconds, I mean it. There would have been bear-pâté had it not realized a giant choo-choo was coming to exterminate. I have never seen such an exhilarating high-speed bear chase in my whole life. Luckily by nightfall, the police lost the bear and don’t know its whereabouts anymore and are still searching for it in the city. And to all my animal-lovers out there, don’t start telling me that we should leave the bear alone or that we took over its habitat so that’s why it is here. This bear traveled from safe-bear land looking for food for hibernation and ended up lost, endangering itself and others. Its not like it lived in the city all along and that apartment building on Pennsylvania Ave was its final straw to come out and search for a more livable apartment. The bear needs to be transported to a safer habitat for itself with more land, trees and food. The only way to do so is to tranquilize it so it can be calmly removed from danger. I saw the police come within feet of it multiple times on the news, but they were unsure of how to capture it so that it was safe for them and the bear. I’d rather not “leave it be” so that my dog can never enjoy her back yard ever again. I paid for that shit.
You may see a video circulating around the news/Barstool showing the bear on someone’s back deck. That’s the house that is ~4 doors down from me. Please don’t send it to me. I saw it on every medium there is. I added the dude that posted the video on Facebook because he’s hot and we’re neighbors and he doesn’t know me yet but ~*heeeyyyy Jimmy*~. To all my Trolley peeps – tell me about the excitement you experienced with the #Delabear! I’m curious.
Ok, love you all. xoxo TSL